How To Become A Numbers-Knight: Solutions To The Horta Top 10 List
March 31, 2003
Recently, I wrote a Top 10 Ten List for Why The
Movie Going Experience Isn’t As Good As It Used To Be. In the article, I
promised I would provide you the solutions to many of the problems we all face
when going to the movies... and now I will deliver. Mind you, what I am about to
teach you isn’t the way for everyone. For what I have to offer isn’t simply a
"How To" list for making your movie going experiences better, but instead what
I offer is a path to movie enlightenment. A path that will teach you about the
sacredness of a theater, the power of "The Numbers" (Like "The Force" but not
so abstract), and about the code of a "Numbers-Knight" (Like a Jedi Knight but
without the swords and the cool powers and thankfully, without all of the
exercising.)... First things first, you will need to determine if the power
of "The Numbers" is within you. Just take this brief test by answering the
following questions: If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you are impatient and the way of The Numbers isn't for you. However, if you
answered no to the questions above then you're ready to take your first step to
becoming a Numbers-Knight. The first thing you have to do is find a movie that tickles your fancy. This is where we learn how to utilize the links on The Numbers. An
important tool for a "NK" (Short for Numbers-Knight), if he or she ever
hopes to become a Numbers-Master. But links are also an important tool for
creating a great movie excursion. Allow me to instruct by example, and show you
how a Numbers Master uses The Numbers to make for a great movie experience. I'm getting edgy, wrestles, curt. I
can hear the popcorn calling, the cool recycled air wafting over me, the
Raisennetts enticing me, its time for a movie. I go to my favorites tab on MS
Explorer, and go to The Numbers
web site. I quickly hit the Coming Soon link and
there they all are... A list of all the upcoming features and there exact release
dates. What movie piques my interest? DareDevil! I have
seen the TV teasers and it looks good. But, I won’t be suckered. I won't let 30
seconds of spliced together kick butt scenes speak for what could be an otherwise horrible movie. I’ll do a little research... use some resources... the Numbers
are with me. After clicking the DareDevil link on the Coming Soon page, I see the names of the
people attached to this film. I usually take it as a bad sign when the Director
isn’t listed, but actors Michael
Clarke Duncan and Jennifer
Garner show up and I must admit that I enjoy watching them on the big and
little screen. I click on there names, which also happen to be links into the Star Archive and or Popular People pages. A
wealth of information in regards to their past projects and for the most part I
have been happy with the roles they have played. This is certainly a plus for
the movie so I continue the research. The Numbers must be with me because
on the same page, I have found that some fellow Numbers-Masters, have written
articles on the movie. Each story provides just a little more insight into my
selection including some interesting tidbits on some other upcoming pictures.
More links for me to wield are available to further adding to the vast cache of
information I already have. The Numbers are truly strong in this film, however,
the one piece of information that is available, that puts me off for sure, is
that Ben Affleck
sports a red leather stretch outfit during a bulk of this movie. Yes, I have an
itch for a flick, but not for the speck that is fleck, and so I deem it not
worthy of my time for an opening night trip. Instead I decide to see DareDevil
in a mostly empty theater... and the wait begins. Now I must truly demonstrate my
mastery of the Numbers. It's been a
few weeks since DareDevils' opening weekend February 14th. The
weekend numbers under the Weekend Chart link
gives me a feeling of DareDevilesque Suckyness. I look at the ratings our patrons
have provided under the Rate
It link under the DareDevil page. The same DareDevil page that I saw before
opening weekend, and those patron rating numbers lend credence, to that
feeling... the Numbers flow through me and I can feel the suckyness there... still I
want to see this movie... the Numbers that are Jennifer Garner in leather stretch
pants is strong... the dark side of the Numbers as they say. I must continue to
wait... track the trends... when the movie is about to die... and theaters decide to
drop it... then and only then will I Strike Back... I must get more analyses...The Test
Mastering The Numbers
In the beginning HSX (Hollywood Stock Exchange) was created, and many came to trade and play in the numbers, but there was no real way to master these numbers until The Nash. The Nash came, and the numbers were analyzed and this was good and the Nash was good, and so, I train using HSX, because there the movies and the stars can be traded like stocks and bonds and prizes can be won ... "Greed is good"! DareDevil isn’t fairing well, and I look at the original Theater Count. The theater count was 3,471 to start, and now I see it down to 681... for me the Numbers are good, and so I dig further and wield the Numbers like a master. I look at the monies made over the weekend and figure out on average, how much each theater took in per day... how sad, the average per day, per theater is barely over $450. I push on and search for more.. I am ready to strike, and now I must decide when. I look at the Daily Chart and I can see what days per week did the worst... and so it is done... and I will see DareDevil on a Wednesday or a Thursday. Patience has won out, and the Numbers have flowed through me.
Dollar store candy, canned soda... maybe some hot pizza pockets under the coat... and a silent theater awaits... "May The Numbers Be With You".
Numbers Master Horta