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Featured Blu-ray / DVD Review: Troll 2

October 2nd, 2010

Troll 2 - Buy from Amazon: DVD or Blu-ray

The unintentional B-movie horror weekend continues with Troll 2, which is widely regarded as one of the worst movies ever made. However, after reviewing five Roger Corman movies, plus 2001 Maniacs, I think I've prepared myself for what is about to come.

The Movie

At the beginning of the movie we hear a grandfather, Seth, tell his grandson, Joshua, about the magical kingdom of the Golbins, who are vengeful and evil. They can transform themselves into people and often do so to trick them into eating enchanted food and drink that will turn them into half-man / half-plants, which is the Goblins favorite food. It's a touching scene about a grandfather telling his grandson a bedtime story, expect Grandpa Seth died six months ago and this is his ghost Joshua is talking to. His mother interrupts this story and tells Joshua to go to bed, because they are leaving on vacation to the small village of Nilbog tomorrow.

We are then introduced to Joshua's sister, Holly while she's working out. But it isn't long before her boyfriend sneaks into her room. She complains that he spends too much time with his friends. Actually, first she knees him in the balls and later implies he's gay, using less polite terminology. It's a relationship that bound to last a long time. She does have a point about spending too much time with his friends, as they did come with him while he was sneaking through his girlfriends window. Despite this, she invites him to join her in Nilbog.

While the family is on the way, Joshua gets another vision from his grandfather to stay away from Nilbog, but he can't convince his parents and they arrive at Nilbog. Nilbog. Goblin. Get it? They arrive in the middle of the day, but there's no one to be seen. The father dismisses the weirdness because it's a farming village and everyone goes to bed at this time of night. Huh? When we finally see the people of Nilbog, they are beyond strange. But at least the family where they are staying left them food, green food.

Insert dramatic music here.

This is the seventh B-movie I've watched in four days. I figured I should save the worst for last, but I was also a little worried that I would become desensitized to bad movies. It was a baseless fear, as quite frankly, nothing prepared me for this. This is just so, so, so hideous. It's hideous in every way. The premise, Goblins that turn people into plants so they can eat them, is so bizarre that it hard to believe this movie was not created as a parody. The dialogue sounds like it was written in a foreign language and then run through several translators before arriving in English. (To be fair, the screenwriter was Italian and spoke English as a second language, but they could have hired a local schoolteacher to clean up the grammar.) While it would be hard for even the best actor to deliver these lines in a convincing manner, in this film, it's like the actors were physically punished if they didn't suck! There's an infamous clip of the movie on YouTube (look up "troll 2 oh my god") that encapsulates the acting quite nicely. My mother called while I reviewed this movie and even over the phone she could tell the acting was bad.

The only part of the movie that doesn't suck 100% are the Goblins. If you saw kids wearing costumes like that for Halloween, you would be impressed. (Yes, that is damning it with faint praise.) Granted, only one of them had a face that could move, but some were sufficiently detailed and varied enough to be the highlight of the movie. ... That or the Goblin Queen, who was so over-the-top she was the only character I rooted for.

The good news is that is it frequently so bad its funny. There are so many moments that are stunning to watch, even for fans of Bad Movies who are used to these things. It's a goldmine of WTF? moments. The urinating scene, the dancing in front of the mirror scene, the "oh my gooooooooooooooooooooooood" scene. Simply awesome to watch with a group of friends.

The Extras

There are no extras on either the DVD or the Blu-ray, which is kind of too bad. I would have liked to have listened to someone try and justify this movie. Oh well, I'll just have to download the RiffTrax commentary instead.

As far as B-movies go, this one actually looks and sounds pretty good. It's obviously not something you will use to show off your home theater system, but at least the detail is high enough that you can see what's going on, while the sound is clear enough to hear ever poorly spoken lines. As for the price, you can spend $11 on the DVD, or $15 and get the DVD and the Blu-ray.

The Verdict

If you hear about this release and thought to yourself, "Troll 2 is coming out on Blu-ray. Oh my goooooooooooood!" Then you are a fan of bad movies.

Troll 2 is undoubtedly one of the worst movies ever made. It is so bad it has to be seen to be believed. The lack of extras are disappointing, so unless you are a hardcore fan of B-movies, the DVD and the Blu-ray are only worth a rental.

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