Why Going To The Theater Isn’t As Good As It Used To Be: A Horta Top 10 List
March 21, 2003
The smell of popcorn in the air… the
sounds of mechanical ticket dispensers and soda fountains in the distance… the
subdued light warmly embracing you, tickets in hand…date in tow… show time is
quickly approaching. You settle down into your seat, organize your goodies and
drinks and then, the lights go dim, the buzz and theater chit chat dulls. The
clicking and clacking of the projector behind you is audible just until the
previews begin, and you enjoy watching them all. Your already planning your
next movie excursion based on coming attractions… could there be anything
better? At one time, an evening or day at
the movies was perhaps one of the most enjoyable things I did on a somewhat
regular basis… I allowed myself the indulgence of candy and treats I normally
wouldn’t bring into my own home, and I would settle back to enjoy a story that
begins and ends in one sitting. No holds barred, no expense spared… big time
entertainment at its best. I really miss those times
Where do we start? I could possibly write a book full of
anecdotes and issues in regards to problems I face when trying to enjoy a movie
at the theaters. But for the sake of time, how about we try a good Ol
"Letterman Style" Top 10 list of "Why Going To The Theater Isn’t As Good As It Used To Be"?!?!?!: Number 10: Lack of
Volume Control I don’t know how prevalent this problem is for other
people, but for me it’s a pain. Studios pay big bucks for just the right
dubbing, music, sound effects and scoring. The audio is a huge part of the
movie experience. So much so, that a theater advertises what movies are playing
with what audio type: THX, Dolby Digital. So why then, must I either hold my
breath to hear the movie because its so low or have to bring cotton because the
movie is so loud my ears start bleeding? Either way, there has to be a happy
medium that the theater can test for prior to filling seats. I know this is all
subjective, so I didn’t place this higher on the list. Number 9: Rising Costs At The Concession Stand
At almost $9 a ticket [Ed note: At over $9 a ticket in San Francisco and New York!], a trip to the movies is still
a very good and inexpensive evening out. Even with a date, you’re only talking
about $18 for 2 hours or more entertainment. That is until you hit the
concession stands. With large popcorn, 2 large sodas, and some candy for
two… your bill has just doubled. I would have placed this problem closer to
number 1, if it wasn’t so easy to just go to the dollar store and sneak in your
own candy.
Number 8: Cellophane Didn’t anyone test this material for db levels
before they decided to wrap every piece of movie theater candy in it? I mean,
the sound of someone opening a box of Snowcaps or Goobers in a theater can be
deafening during the more lax scenes of a flick. This could have placed higher
on my list, if not for the fact that most people know that they should wait
until a busy loud scene to break open certain goodies. Number 7: Laser Pointers Small in size and big in distraction power, I’ve on
occasion had to see the dancing red dot bounce across the screen in a crowded
theater. Some people just should never be let out of the house. Number 6: Cell Phones How about using vibrate people. If you don’t know
how to use the silent feature on your mobile phone, or you don’t have a vibrate
feature, then just leave it in the car. Even worse are those people that will
actually answer the phone and chit
chat, not leaving their seat to do so. I guess they don’t want to miss any of
the movie. Number 5: The "Preview and Collect" Scam OK, now before I provide an explanation, allow me to
preface it with some info. I donate to charities when I have money and time.
Pocket change mostly, so no, I wont have a building dedicated in my name
anytime soon, but I try my best. Animal shelters, MS cans, and my favorite, and
the one I will make a real effort to send money to, Ronald McDonald House.
While in the Marines, I even allotted some money out of every paycheck to a
couple of funds; So don’t think me a cheap and heartless wretch. But, don’t
sucker me with a "Preview and Collect" scam. Seinfeld could have had a field day with this one.
We
all know that move, where the lights go dim, you think your the movie is going
to start, and then Danny
Glover or some other actor, comes on in a preview and asks you to donate to
this or that charity, and that movie employees will be passing cans around for
an immediate pay off.
It’s tantamount to holding my movie hostage. At $4.25 for
a large popcorn, and $3.50 for a large drink, do I really need to drop another
buck into a can for what ever? This
could have been number 1 as well, but I haven’t seen this scam in a while so
its will reside at 5. Number 4: Unprofessional Cinema Employees You really can’t expect much for minimum wage, but
at least put down your dime store paperback and look me in the eye when I
purchase my ticket. This problem could have easily been number 1 since I
believe it to be the pre-cursor for numbers 3 through 1. To be honest, these
next 3 and this one now, are really all neck and neck.
As a cinema employee, you’re
just as much part of the overall experience as the movie itself. Enforce some
rules and keep the area clean. But, I will delve in to this more later. Number 3: Underage Children In A Movie I’m not talking about the bubbly sounds of laughter
from toddlers, or the high-pitched screams of a baby at Jungle Book 2
because there, it is expected and even desired. I’m talking about the
5-year-old sitting in on the premiere of Resident Evil or Unfaithful.
You’ve never seen trauma until you have seen the eyes of a 4 or 5 year old
witnessing a zombie rip the esophagus out of a women with its teeth, or Diane Lane on her back
moaning in ecstasy; "Mommy, why is that man on top of that women hurting
her?"… A question I heard a child ask after both fore-mentioned scenes. The
screaming and yelling of a baby during PG and above movies is no better.
Parents, please find a babysitter rather than bringing an infant to see a loud busy
flick like The Core or Cradle 2 The Grave.
Even more annoying is the Ol "Rated R Drop Off" where the parent buys
tickets to a movie for a child that they would not otherwise be able to see on
there own, and then leaves. All of these scenarios should be handled by the box
office employees, but aren’t, due to number 4 on this list. Remember the days
when cinema personnel would go through a theater with a flashlight and eject
people as required? Number 2: Senior Citizens Alright now, I am not talking about every senior
citizen so if you don’t fit the description, then don’t get offended. However,
many seniors seem to think Sunday morning cinemas is the right time to hold
long conversations with their friends or spouse. Conversations about how this
actor or actress looks like their granddaughter or grandson, or how movies
weren’t so violent or dirty in their day. And no, whispering isn’t OK either,
it’s worse.
And the number one reason going to the theaters
isn’t as great as it used to be is: Teenagers And again, I am not talking about every teenager, so
if you don’t fit the description, then don’t get offended. Please note, that
I’m not considered old by any stretch of the imagination. I’m only 28 so I
think this says a lot coming from me. Teenagers, the movies, and any one who
wants to actually go to the movies and pay attention, just don’t mix. Mind you,
I’m not only talking about Saturday night at the cinema watching Varsity Blues or
some other teen flick. Any movie where there is even a small group of teenagers
will ruin most any movie going experience. It seems that parents today don’t
raise their kids with courtesy and respect for others, so we all suffer when
they sit in on a film, especially if it contains any type of adult content.
Teenagers are just as bad as if not worse than the senior citizens and
generally are the reasons numbers 6 and 7 appear on this list. Theaters also
staff themselves with teenagers, which is why number 4 is on this list, which
subsequently produces the type of environment where items 3 through 1 can
flourish. Well, that is it! My personal top 10 list as
to why the overall theater experience isn’t as great as it used to be. I know
many people feel the same way as I do, experiencing their own problems to which
they could create their own top 10 list. But not to leave you on a sour note, I
plan to post the answers to many of the problems that face us serious
movie-goers. And the tools we’ll need for making our next cinema excursion
better… are right here on The Numbers. George W. Horta IIIThe Problems…