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How To Become A Numbers-Knight: Solutions To The Horta Top 10 List

March 31st, 2003

Recently, I wrote a Top 10 Ten List for Why The Movie Going Experience Isn’t As Good As It Used To Be. In the article, I promised I would provide you the solutions to many of the problems we all face when going to the movies... and now I will deliver. Mind you, what I am about to teach you isn’t the way for everyone. For what I have to offer isn’t simply a "How To" list for making your movie going experiences better, but instead what I offer is a path to movie enlightenment. A path that will teach you about the sacredness of a theater, the power of "The Numbers" (Like "The Force" but not so abstract), and about the code of a "Numbers-Knight" (Like a Jedi Knight but without the swords and the cool powers and thankfully, without all of the exercising.)...

The Test

First things first, you will need to determine if the power of "The Numbers" is within you. Just take this brief test by answering the following questions:

  1. Have you ever gone out on a blind date with some one, no questions asked, just because your buddy tells you, "Don’t worry, he/she has a great personality."?
  2. Do you go to public restrooms, and take a seat on the can without first looking for toilet paper?
  3. Do you regularly go to pizza restaurants and scold your mouth on a slice, because you can’t wait for it to cool down?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you are impatient and the way of The Numbers isn't for you. However, if you answered no to the questions above then you're ready to take your first step to becoming a Numbers-Knight.

Mastering The Numbers

The first thing you have to do is find a movie that tickles your fancy. This is where we learn how to utilize the links on The Numbers. An important tool for a "NK" (Short for Numbers-Knight), if he or she ever hopes to become a Numbers-Master. But links are also an important tool for creating a great movie excursion. Allow me to instruct by example, and show you how a Numbers Master uses The Numbers to make for a great movie experience.

Coming Soon

I'm getting edgy, wrestles, curt. I can hear the popcorn calling, the cool recycled air wafting over me, the Raisennetts enticing me, its time for a movie. I go to my favorites tab on MS Explorer, and go to The Numbers web site. I quickly hit the Coming Soon link and there they all are... A list of all the upcoming features and there exact release dates. What movie piques my interest? DareDevil! I have seen the TV teasers and it looks good. But, I won’t be suckered. I won't let 30 seconds of spliced together kick butt scenes speak for what could be an otherwise horrible movie. I’ll do a little research... use some resources... the Numbers are with me.

Star Archive / Popular People

After clicking the DareDevil link on the Coming Soon page, I see the names of the people attached to this film. I usually take it as a bad sign when the Director isn’t listed, but actors Michael Clarke Duncan and Jennifer Garner show up and I must admit that I enjoy watching them on the big and little screen. I click on there names, which also happen to be links into the Star Archive and or Popular People pages. A wealth of information in regards to their past projects and for the most part I have been happy with the roles they have played. This is certainly a plus for the movie so I continue the research.

Latest News / News

The Numbers must be with me because on the same page, I have found that some fellow Numbers-Masters, have written articles on the movie. Each story provides just a little more insight into my selection including some interesting tidbits on some other upcoming pictures. More links for me to wield are available to further adding to the vast cache of information I already have. The Numbers are truly strong in this film, however, the one piece of information that is available, that puts me off for sure, is that Ben Affleck sports a red leather stretch outfit during a bulk of this movie. Yes, I have an itch for a flick, but not for the speck that is fleck, and so I deem it not worthy of my time for an opening night trip. Instead I decide to see DareDevil in a mostly empty theater... and the wait begins. Now I must truly demonstrate my mastery of the Numbers.

Weekend Chart / Rate It

It's been a few weeks since DareDevils' opening weekend February 14th. The weekend numbers under the Weekend Chart link gives me a feeling of DareDevilesque Suckyness. I look at the ratings our patrons have provided under the Rate It link under the DareDevil page. The same DareDevil page that I saw before opening weekend, and those patron rating numbers lend credence, to that feeling... the Numbers flow through me and I can feel the suckyness there... still I want to see this movie... the Numbers that are Jennifer Garner in leather stretch pants is strong... the dark side of the Numbers as they say. I must continue to wait... track the trends... when the movie is about to die... and theaters decide to drop it... then and only then will I Strike Back... I must get more analyses...

HSX / Daily Chart / Theater Count

In the beginning HSX (Hollywood Stock Exchange) was created, and many came to trade and play in the numbers, but there was no real way to master these numbers until The Nash. The Nash came, and the numbers were analyzed and this was good and the Nash was good, and so, I train using HSX, because there the movies and the stars can be traded like stocks and bonds and prizes can be won ... "Greed is good"! DareDevil isn’t fairing well, and I look at the original Theater Count. The theater count was 3,471 to start, and now I see it down to 681... for me the Numbers are good, and so I dig further and wield the Numbers like a master. I look at the monies made over the weekend and figure out on average, how much each theater took in per day... how sad, the average per day, per theater is barely over $450. I push on and search for more.. I am ready to strike, and now I must decide when. I look at the Daily Chart and I can see what days per week did the worst... and so it is done... and I will see DareDevil on a Wednesday or a Thursday. Patience has won out, and the Numbers have flowed through me.

Dollar store candy, canned soda... maybe some hot pizza pockets under the coat... and a silent theater awaits... "May The Numbers Be With You".

Numbers Master Horta